real talk
I love my kids. That’s not “real talk”….that’s more like “no shit-talk.” I would dive into icy water filled with gross things touching my feet and a great white coming at me, to save them (if you know me…….that’s probably my absolute worst nightmare. PSA, don’t let your 4 year old watch Jaws). But that’s besides the point. We all love our kids. We tolerate their obsessions for all things Minecraft, Roblox and Fortnite. Sometimes we may allow a teensy bit more screen time, just to finish listening to a podcast, load/fold more laundry, or just to have coffee without a fight breaking out or the continuous “MOM!” coming our way. Here’s the “real” part of it…….I’m not a sports mom.
Photo by Sarah Wimmer Steffen
Let me back up a tad…..to the 90s.
I was/am an athlete. I did traveling basketball 5th-8th grade and then played in school. I wasn’t good. My mom will say different (because she’s my mom) but I wasn’t good. I liked being a defender and blocking passes or shots, but I hated being on offense. I always wished that basketball could be like football, where they switch out the defense and the offense. I had crazy anxiety about shooting the ball. Don’t get me wrong, I had phenomenal coaches! To this day, being 41 years old, I’d still call them Coach Peterson and Coach Vollendorf if I saw them. They were all encouraging and made it fun…..but damn I hated the games. I probably should have been put on some anti-anxiety meds or something but it was the 90s. I did love the practices though! Isn’t that weird? There wasn’t as much pressure and it was more fun. We did drills and played scrimmages and I was just hanging out with my friends. Once the sport got more competitive, it wasn’t fun anymore. So Junior year of high school, to the dismay of my mother, I quit. I missed the socializing, but that was about it.
I was also a tennis player. I liked singles because you didn’t have to rely on someone else. If you were having a bad day, or they were having a bad day, it brought you both down. Tennis is such a mental game, you get into a rut and it’s hard as hell to get out. So I liked singles. If I got myself in a rut, I’d either lose, or get myself out. I was pretty good at tennis, but the season wasn’t as long as basketball and since it was just in school, and not traveling, there weren’t any tournaments and it was just fun.
1998….what a time.
My husband, Jon, and I were/are both pretty average athletes. That’s not a dig or self-loathing for us….it’s just true. He always skipped out on practice for cross country but loved the actual races. I tried, but didn’t really care enough to push myself that hard. There were no “sport scholarships” in our future, so we thrived on grades (Jon, not me) or our amazing wit (me, not him) to get us by.
And guess what…..that lazy ass-average apple-athlete didn’t fall far from the tree.
Like I said…..I fricken ADORE my children, but watching them do ANY sport, I think to myself, “well, maybe they’ll be president of the chess club?” Jonny and Jameson have both tried, hockey, wrestling, tae-kwon do, flag football, soccer, swimming, t-ball, gymnastics and possibly some others that I’m forgetting. Let’s go down the line as to what they think of them:
Hockey - too tiring, too much stuff to put on, too hard (Jameson never got that far, he quit almost immediately)
Wrestling - “They keep choking me!”
Taekwondo - we actually all liked, but “things” happen at certain establishments that host taekwondo and now we need to rethink a thing or two, iykyk
Flag Football - “I don’t like it”
Soccer - “It’s all just a bunch of running and no one lets me kick the ball”
Swimming - “I feel like I’m going to drown”
T-ball- “I don’t like it”
Gymnastics - we honestly didn’t pursue this
They aren’t hardcore. They aren’t that great at sports. They are incredibly creative and funny and smart and talented in their own ways….but not really athletically and that’s ok.
So….me, being the hard-ass and knowing that they have to do SOMETHING to keep those little bodies moving, forced them to stick with swim team. It’s 2-3 times a week and they don’t HAVE to do the meets. Okay, cool. Done.
Then, after two weeks of swim, and a 3 year hiatus from hockey, Jonny says “I really want to play hockey again.”
THE FUCK YOU DO!
You see, Jonny tried hockey from age 4-7. I had to drag his little booty to practice and the games ALL THE TIME. He hated it. He hated the pads, he hated the “hard work”…..all he wanted to do was skate. He had ZERO sense of assertiveness and didn’t really care to touch the puck. I had to BRIBE him to go for the puck.
It was a chore. When he told me in the fall of 2021 that he didn’t want to do hockey, I was like “ok bud, if that’s what you want.”
But on the inside, I was screaming “Thank God!”
Fast forward to now. I listened to him. We talked about the commitment, we talked about the fact that he wouldn’t be on the same team as his friends because he took some time off. He wanted to do it anyways. So…..2 weeks before try-outs, I buy ALL the equipment (yay for used!), fill out the forms, email the people, pay the money and get shit figured out.
He gets on a team with kids in various stages of skill level and his coach is awesome. All I keep telling him is that “I want you to have fun, and work hard.” I don’t care if he’s the slowest or fastest or whatever-else on the team, I just want to see him working hard and having fun.
So now comes the scheduling. Jameson (who’s still on swim team) has swim Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, Jonny has hockey Wednesday and Friday and then on most weekends.
This is where my hatred comes in . I’m an introvert at heart. I’m a big fan of being home. I need quiet time to recharge after being social. Now I have service hours that need to be filled, tournaments that need hotels, fundraising that needs to be done, socializing and ……I just hate it. I hate running around after school, I hate filling my weekends with tournaments. I like making dinner at a normal time. I’m not a sports-mom. And I think that’s okay to say.
Can we normalize supporting our children in whatever they want to do and adore seeing them be excited and progress, make friends, and be proud of themselves…..but equally hate it all a little? Maybe if my kids were hardcore. Maybe if Jon or I coached. Maybe if I was a bit more competitive. Maybe if THEY were a bit more competitive. Who knows….things might be different. But in the end, whether your kids are in sports or plays or musicals or whatever……let’s make it okay to love them, and want them to succeed, but then also take a sigh of relief once that season has ended.
